acontrollist | A Twisted Up Frown, Disguised As A Smile

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A Twisted Up Frown, Disguised As A Smile

Rachel isn't one to make impulsive decisions. She usually takes as long as possible to think things through, weighing the pros and cons of each outcome.

She obviously didn't do that tonight, since she's standing in Sam Evan's doorway, a bottle of vodka in her hand.

Honestly, she doesn't know what else to do. Ever since she hung up that picture that Sam drew of her a month ago, she and Bradley have been doing nothing but fighting (and having makeup sex, but that's neither here nor there). Tonight was the worst though. There was screaming, name calling (whore was thrown both ways) and one of her favorite crystal vases is still sitting in 3 pieces on her kitchen counter. It probably didn't help matters that as soon as Bradley had left ("Where are you going?! We're not finished talking about this!" "Out. Don't wait up.") Rachel did the only thing she could think of, which was calling Sam, who'd told her to just come over.

She's not even sure how the vodka came into play, but getting drunk sounds really good right now.

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He'd prepared himself for the worst, which happens to be her curt reply, but it still hurts. Maybe it hurts more that she's telling him this by text, but at least this way she can't see how his face crumples. Like he thought there might have been a chance of this actually being the start of something great.

What the hell was he thinking? Since when does drunken sex lead to a worthwhile relationship? Never. What did he expect to happen, for her to dump Bradley because of one amazing night?

...Maybe. And now he feels stupid for getting his hopes up.

He has a feeling he already knows the answer, he just has to make sure.

Of course not. He'd never forgive me.

She's not sure what happens after this. Because she doesn't want to lose Sam but how can she ever trust herself around him again, knowing how good he felt, how good he made her feel...or how can she expect him to forgive her for using him? She shoots him another text.

I'm sorry.

The last thing he wants is for her to feel sorry for him, make him feel like the loser he always felt like back in high school.

I know you wouldn't. But thank you.

She starts to leave it there but she can't do it.

I'd like to stay friends...

He thinks about it leaving there but...

You won't. Everything will be fine.

Everything is not fine. Rachel hasn't seen Sam in 3 weeks, but they've talked occasionally. And she thinks they're doing pretty well, getting back to where they were before. Except...

She's been regular since she was 14. And she was supposed to start her period the day after the debacle with Sam. It still hasn't come on and she's sure it's just exhaustion but...her doctor says otherwise.

911. Meet me at Starbucks on 5th Ave.

There's only word to describe how Sam feels going from seeing Rachel almost everyday to not seeing her in 3 weeks: horrible. He misses the way they were before, but he knows they can't ever go back to that. They've exchanged texts and talked on the phone a couple of times, but never as long as they used to. Sam's starting to think Rachel is slowly fading him out of her life so she can marry her douchebag boyfriend and have Broadway babies with him...

He frowns at the text Rachel sends him. 911? That can't be good.

Sitting at a table in Starbucks, he wonders what trouble Rachel is in as he waits for her to arrive.

When she enters the Starbucks it's obvious that, once again, she's been crying. This is becoming a recurring theme in their relationship and she feels like maybe it looks like she's using him but at this point, that's the furthest thing from her mind.

She sinks down across from him, hands folded on the table in front of him. She's got to get this out without crying, but she'd not sure it'll happen. "I-" She takes a deep breath. "I"m pregnant." Her voice cracks and she sits straight up, bottom lip quivering as she tries to keep her composure.

"Rach... What's going on?" He looks at her worriedly when he notices how red her eyes are.

Then she drops the bomb on him. And all he can suddenly think about how is he doesn't remember using a condom with her (how could he have been so stupid)...

"Are you... are you sure?" If she hasn't had a test yet, maybe it's just a false alarm. Maybe there isn't a chance he hasn't just knocked up his best friend.

"I thought it was exhaustion. I went to the doctor and I just left and-." She folds her arms around her chest, hiccuping. She presses the side of one hand beneath her nose, trying to calm her breathing but it's not really working. "I don't know what to do, I don't-...I was supposed to be married first." And you know how Rach gets when things don't go according to plan.

Frankly he doesn't care if it's too awkward to touch her after what happened, he can't just sit and watch her across the table as she falls apart in front of him without comforting her. He'll always be her friend, no matter what happens. So he moves his seat next to hers and pulls her into a hug.

"Breathe," he tells her, because he's pretty sure she's hyperventilating right now and is on her way to having a panic attack. "It's gonna be okay..."

"No it's not! How do I explain this?! I have to tell him, we have to-...oh god. He was right, Sam." She wraps her arms around his waist, sobbing against his shoulder. "He was right. What kind of person does this?"

"You don't have to tell him if the baby isn't mine." But the weird thing is he wants to be the father. He strokes his hand through her hair to try and get her to calm down since they're making a scene in Starbucks. Not that he cares what people think. He cares more about getting Rachel through this.

"This isn't your fault... It's mine. I don't remember using a condom... I just wanted you so bad and I got so lost in the moment I didn't think... I'm so stupid. I'm so sorry."

"I don't know." She admits. "Bradley and I were still-...maybe even that afternoon or the night after, I think. I have absolutely no idea. And even-...I'm not even sure if Bradley wants children." Rachel's generally all about making a scene, so at this point she doesn't really care about them being in public.

"It's my fault too...I shouldn't have-...we shouldn't have and I wanted too and we weren't thinking.."

It hurts hearing her admit to having sex with Bradley so soon after they slept together, so much he has to look away from her and out the window, telling himself to get a grip, and then his eyes are back on her once more.

"Whoever the father is, I'll support you."

Bradley had initiated, their usual brand of making up and if she had turned him down, he would have known something was wrong. She couldn't hide that from Sam, not when he was so involved with this. It wouldn't be fair.

She nods against his shoulder, squeezing him a little tighter. "Thank you...I'm sorry. About all of this." Because their friendship is never going to be the same, but they'll be forced into contact for the next 9 months until they can determine who the baby's father is.

"You don't have to apologize to me, Rach..." She was better of saving her apologies for her boyfriend. It wasn't her fault though, technically they could both share the blame, but she was probably feeling guilty enough cheating on her boyfriend without feeling guilty for changing his life for the next 9 months. Sam didn't want her to feel bad for him on top of everything else she was probably feeling. He pressed a kiss into her hair at the top of her head.

"When are you gonna tell Bradley?"

"I do. Because I dragged you into this...this hell." She shakes her head, hugging him a little tighter.

"I'm not sure. He's off of work today so I should probably go tell him right now and get it over with but..."

"It's scary but it's not hell." He wouldn't consider being the father of her child equivalent to being in hell. Sure, he'd be having a baby at a time of his life he wouldn't necessarily plan to have one but that didn't mean he didn't want the baby. He'd just have to prepare to be a father at a younger age than he expected.

"Do you want me to be there when you tell him?"

"It's horrifying." You have to remember who you knocked up here, Sam. Crazy Berry. The most dramatic person you've probably ever met. The worst part might be that Rachel's more afraid of having the baby with Bradley, her boyfriend, than she thinks she would be if she was sure Sam was the father. But she doesn't tell him that.

"Absolutely not." She shakes her head. "I don't know how he'll react and I don't want...I don't want things to potentially get physical."

Sam's pretty sure Bradley has been looking for an excuse to hit him since they met and possibly getting his girlfriend pregnant would be a perfect reason. It's probably for the best if Sam doesn't accompany her, unless he wants to get a black eye, which he doesn't. He just has a bad feeling that Bradley isn't going to take Rachel's news very well and he wants to be there to defend her.

"Okay... but promise you'll call me after."

"I will." She grabs her purse, shouldering it and leaning in to hug him one more time. "Thank you."

It's an hour later when she calls. "He's sleeping with Amy, he doesn't want children and he kicked me out." She manages before all that gets through her side of the phone is sobs and the sound of cars on the street.

He's been wondering what to do about Amy since he's felt like he's been stringing her along for weeks now, using her as a distraction from Rachel. But hearing that she's been sleeping with Bradley has solved his problem of what to do with her, which is never see her again. Good thing Sam hadn't slept with her. It's funny how he isn't hurt by knowing she's been sleeping with Bradley this whole time. Instead he's just angry at Bradley for cheating on Rachel.

He winces down the phone when he hears just how badly Bradley has reacted to her news. He's worried when he hears cars in the background, not liking the idea of her wandering the streets of New York when she's distressed. She needs to be somewhere safe, like his apartment.

"Where are you? Come to mine. You can stay with me."

"I was going to get a hotel." She says. But he wants her to come stay with him. She's probably carrying another man's child, she's been using him as an escape from her (previously) destructive relationship and he...still wants her to stay with him. Whoever the father is, I'll support you.

"Okay." She says softly, too tired to protest even if she wanted to. But somehow, Sam's place seems like the safest she's going to get for a long time and that's all she really wants right now. To curl up and sleep and feel safe.

When she arrives at his place, she has a large duffel bag and two suitcases, a man behind her (the cabby, probably) carrying another backpack and two more suitcases. "I'm sorry, I know it's a lot, I just...I didn't want to have to go back there."

Sam frowns at the hotel idea. The last thing she needs is to feel like she's alone right now in New York when she's recently found out she's carrying a baby. Maybe his apartment isn't the biggest and he'd never been to her place with Bradley for obvious reasons but it sounded swanky...

"Rachel, please, just come stay with me..." Turns out he doesn't need to beg her because she's already agreed.

"It's fine," he tells Rachel when she's on her doorstep with so many bags he's lost count. He's glad she's got it all now so like she said, she doesn't have to go back to that jerk. He gets out his wallet and tips the cabby (generously, since there are so many bags that look quite heavy), then carries her stuff into the apartment, shutting the door behind her.

"C'mere." He pulls her into a hug with a sigh. It's been a long day.

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Fast forward like two weeks soon?

Sure!

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