A Twisted Up Frown, Disguised As A Smile

[acontrollist]

Rachel isn't one to make impulsive decisions. She usually takes as long as possible to think things through, weighing the pros and cons of each outcome.

She obviously didn't do that tonight, since she's standing in Sam Evan's doorway, a bottle of vodka in her hand.

Honestly, she doesn't know what else to do.  Ever since she hung up that picture that Sam drew of her a month ago, she and Bradley have been doing nothing but fighting (and having makeup sex, but that's neither here nor there). Tonight was the worst though.  There was screaming, name calling (whore was thrown both ways) and one of her favorite crystal vases is still sitting in 3 pieces on her kitchen counter. It probably didn't help matters that as soon as Bradley had left ("Where are you going?! We're not finished talking about this!" "Out. Don't wait up.") Rachel did the only thing she could think of, which was calling Sam, who'd told her to just come over.

She's not even sure how the vodka came into play, but getting drunk sounds really good right now.

Comments

[dontcrysammy.livejournal.com]

Naturally his mind wanders somewhere else at her sentence for just a moment, and then he shakes his head to clear his thoughts. "Chinese is fine by me... Do you want what you usually have?" They've had enough takeouts together for him to predict what she'll order.

[acontrollist.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, that sounds fine." She takes a seat on the couch, crossing her legs in the cushions as she leans forward to grab the remote, turning the television on. "So...tomorrow. I have to go see my OB..."

[dontcrysammy.livejournal.com]

Sam's on the phone for a couple of minutes, placing their order which will be delivered in twenty. Once he hangs up he's sitting on the couch again, trying not to think about what happened the last time they sat on his couch together as he leans his head back. He looks at her out of the corner of his eye when she mentions her OB appointment. "Want me to come with you?"

[acontrollist.livejournal.com]

She shrugs, glancing at him out of the corner of her own eye when he asks. "I dunno...do you...do you want to come with me?"

[dontcrysammy.livejournal.com]

"Yeah," he replies softly. He wants to be there for every doctor's appointment. Even if the baby turns out not to be his, he still wants to be there because she's his friend.

"Is that picture I drew of you in one of those bags?" he asked with a small smile.

[acontrollist.livejournal.com]

The statistical likelihood of this baby being Sam's is slim to none, and Rachel knows that. But she can't help feeling like maybe, if Bradley was a little more like Sam, they wouldn't be here. She can't help hoping that this baby defies the odds and comes out with blonde hair and blue eyes..."Okay." She smiles a little. "Okay. 9am."

She nods, pointing to a hardcover suitcase. "In that one. On top."

[dontcrysammy.livejournal.com]

"You'll have to wake me up in time." He'll set an alarm just in case but there's always a risk of him hitting the snooze button and oversleeping.

He goes over to the suitcase, unzips it and pulls out the framed drawing. Taking down a photo of New York from the wall, he replaces it with the pencil drawing of Rachel and sits back next to her on the couch, remembering how great that day was with Rachel, sitting in a boat with her, floating across a lake in Central Park.

"I've missed hanging out with you," he admits because they haven't done it in weeks, not since you-know-what and it feels nice just sitting with her and waiting for their takeout to arrive like old times.

[acontrollist.livejournal.com]

"Of course I will." She nods, unable to fight the brilliant grin growing across her face.

It only gets wider when he frames the picture and she can't help the burning in the corners of her eyes. This isn't fair. This isn't right. Everything she wants is always right on the tips of her fingers and she can never-

"Why couldn't Bradley have been more like you?" She sniffles in response before she can stop herself.

[dontcrysammy.livejournal.com]

Sam's confused because she's both smiling and crying, though it's not unusual to see her doing both at the same time.

Sighing at her question, he wants to ask her why she wants Bradley to be like him when she could just have the real thing...

He doesn't, of course. "He's an idiot. I don't know how he could cheat on you... You're everything a guy could ever want."

[acontrollist.livejournal.com]

She shakes her head. "Its not just that. And let's not be delusional here, I cheated on him too, I just...I just wanted someone good. You know? You're so-...you're good to me, wonderful and so sweet and I just-...nevermind." She stands, wiping at her cheeks. Fucking hormones... "I'm sorry. That's out of line..."

[dontcrysammy.livejournal.com]

He feels helpless as he watches her stand, drying her face. He wants to comfort her but the last time that happened... bad things happened.

"Nice guys finish last," Sam says quietly. "It's why you're attracted to someone like Bradley and not me."

[acontrollist.livejournal.com]

"Don't be silly, Sam. Of course I'm attracted to you." She sighs, rubbing both hands over her stomach. "Just...none of this is fair."

[dontcrysammy.livejournal.com]

He watches her rub her stomach before he stands up and puts his palm over hers that's on her belly. It's probably too early in the pregnancy for much to have formed inside her womb but he hopes she appreciates the gesture.

"I know you're scared the baby is gonna have a dad who doesn't want them..." Assuming Bradley turned out to be the father. "But if it's any consolation, I'll love them like they're my own."

[acontrollist.livejournal.com]

She sniffles, leaning up and wrapping her arms around Sam's neck. "You're a good man, Sam. And...someday, someone is going to make you an amazing father the right way."

[dontcrysammy.livejournal.com]

Their night together had felt right to him. Even if they were drunk and she had a boyfriend at the time, something had still felt right about the way they'd connected. His arms come around her small frame.

"I don't think it matters how the baby is conceived... You still get a beautiful baby out of it and that's all that matters."

[acontrollist.livejournal.com]

It felt right to her too, but after that slip up she was trying to hold as tightly to her morals as she could. She was still trying to figure out how she'd complete this run of her show with her co-star probably telling everyone they knew that she was pregnant with a man's baby.

Honestly, she didn't know that for a fact and neither did he. But she was really, really hoping.

"I meant, I-..." She sighs. "I meant you'd meet a girl, fall in love, decide to have children and then spend 9 months preparing and being excited instead of wondering..."

[dontcrysammy.livejournal.com]

He can't say he's in love with her right now. He is very fond of her however, and if he spends the next nine months living with her... well, he won't be surprised if he finds himself in love with her by the time the baby is born, if not sooner. She's a very lovable person, at least in his opinion.

"Oh... Well, if there's one thing I've learned growing up it's that life doesn't go according to plan, so... Let's just take it one step at a time and see what happens."

[acontrollist.livejournal.com]

"That's all we can really do." She agrees, moving back once there's a knock at the door. "Did they give you a total on the phone?" She asks, crossing the room to where her purse sits on top of one of her suitcases.

[dontcrysammy.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, don't worry, I've got it." Sam's already at the door, opening it to the delivery guy and giving him money in exchange for their food. The smell of Chinese wafts into the apartment. "Smells good..." He doesn't realize how hungry he is until his stomach rumbles at the prospect of being filled with chicken chow mein.

[acontrollist.livejournal.com]

"But I promised..." She pouts a little when the delivery guy leaves, retaking her seat on the couch and folding her arms. "I'm paying you back. I hope you realize that."

[dontcrysammy.livejournal.com]

"Stop pouting, your face might stay that way," he teases her before setting the bag of food down on the coffee table. He grabs a bottle of beer from the fridge and thinks about asking her if she wants wine or something, but then he remembers the whole being pregnant thing... "Do you want a glass of water?"

[acontrollist.livejournal.com]

"You made me." She replies childishly, sticking her tongue out at him as he walks into the kitchen. "Yes please!" She calls out in response to the water, opening her food and settling back on the couch to eat. She'd been hungry before, but now that she can smell the food she's starving. "This baby is going to make me fat, I just know it." She mumbles, taking a bite of her food.

[dontcrysammy.livejournal.com]

"Aren't babies supposed to do that?" Sam returns with her glass of water, sitting back on the couch and opening his box of noodles. "Besides, you're eating for two now."

[acontrollist.livejournal.com]

"But I don't want to be fat...its not attractive nor is it conducive to a lifestyle as active as mine." More pouting. But she hasn't stopped eating yet.

[dontcrysammy.livejournal.com]

"Since you're so active, I'm sure you can lose the weight quickly after the baby's born." He picks up the noodles with some chopsticks. "And I think you're attractive enough to pull off some extra weight."