Divavention

[acontrollist]

It's late. Later than Rachel usually stays up, but sleep is being elusive. She thinks about calling Noah but she knows he's babysitting his little sister since his Mom works doubles on Thursday nights. Besides, she's dumped enough on him for the day.

So it's late. And Rachel's laying in bed, staring up at the glow in the dark star stickers above her bed, wishing sleep would come.

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[slap-the-butt.livejournal.com]

For the past month, Kurt's been trying to mind his own business, keeping his mouth shut about his suspicions. Rachel and Puck might not be telling people what's going on, but they aren't as subtle as they probably think and now not even Finn seems capable of ignoring what's going on.

Which is the reason Kurt's finally decided to stop looking the other way and just come out and ask his best friend what's going on. He dials her number, sighing as he waits for her to pick up. There's no way she's sleeping yet if she's had the kind of day he thinks she's had.

[acontrollist.livejournal.com]

Kurt's number isn't the one she was expecting to show up on her cell phone screen. They're good friends, of course, but ever since things blew up with Finn that last time, she's been trying to keep him from feeling stuck in the middle and they typically don't ever even say the quarterback's name.

So for Kurt to call her at 11pm after today of all days is odd. But she answers anyway. "Hello?"

[slap-the-butt.livejournal.com]

If he's being completely honest, it almost feels kind of weird that they never really talk about Finn anymore, break up or no break up. Neither Finn nor Rachel had any issues involving everyone in their drama in that past, so he supposes he hadn't expected it to be any different this time. It's a relief that it is, and not because he has any worries of getting stuck in the middle. The truth is, Rachel and Finn have a habit of being extremely obnoxious when they're pining and moping and plotting to get back together, and he'd be stupid to miss that. But unfortunately it looks like he's going to have to dive head first back into drama he's been hoping was long dead.

"Hello Rachel, it seems there's some things we should talk about." The worst part is he can't even get excited about the potential for juicy gossip. This would be a lot more fun if it didn't involve people he cares about.

[acontrollist.livejournal.com]

Maybe that was the difference, this time. Rachel was obnoxious when she was pining and moping and plotting how to get Finn back but there wasn't any of that this time. The relationship had an expiration date to begin with and with all of cracks starting to show, it just wasn't worth it anymore. All of the pining and plotting Finn's apparently been doing is one sided, which is an odd change of pace for the Finchel show. Usually Rachel's the only one who cares that things have ended.

"Kurt, I told you, I already have a prom dress." Rachel replies. She's pretty sure that's not what Kurt called about but it doesn't hurt to hope.

[slap-the-butt.livejournal.com]

Kurt's been hoping Finn would move for months now and he gets that it's not easy, but those two have been a train wreck from the beginning. It wouldn't kill Finn to date someone that isn't Rachel or Quinn for once, but he seems to be stuck in this unhealthy pattern and Kurt's starting to wonder if Finn loves the idea of being in a relationship more than he's ever loved either of his exes.

"As much as I hate to admit it, I don't have any issues with your prom dress. Clearly some of my fashion sense must have rubbed off on you, otherwise you'd show up in something my half blind grandmother would wear." He rolls his eyes. "No, this isn't about that. This is about you and Puck. Pucklberry's been back on for weeks and it's way past time to spill."

[acontrollist.livejournal.com]

"You didn't help me with my dress last year." Rachel points out. "And it looked just fine." She's deflecting so hard. But then Kurt says the dreaded P word (and honestly, she thought it was cute at first but now that Santana and now Kurt [Brittany too but its hard to be annoyed with her for anything] are using it on a daily basis it's become annoying) and she sits up in bed, pinching the bridge of her nose between her fingers.

What does Kurt want her to say? "I'm sleeping with him because I was jealous of you."? Because honestly, that's how all of this started. And maybe Kurt has nothing to do with it anymore (but it's still just stress relief for them both, that's all), but that's the truth of how they started. It's the truth about what they are (really), just sex. "I don't know what you're talking about, Kurt. And that nickname is humiliating."

[slap-the-butt.livejournal.com]

"Mm no, but there's no way you picked it out on your own." He rolls his eyes again. It's obvious what she's trying to do and it seems like such a waste of time. She's just making it all the more obvious something's going on. "Yeah, I bet you don't know what I'm talking about. We all know something's going on between you and Puck, Rachel. Don't insult my intelligence trying to deny it, even Finn can tell."

He snorts. "If I have to hear Klaine the time, you can deal too." He's never been fond of those stupid portmanteau names, especially since his own mostly just consists of his boyfriend's name with a lousy K at the beginning as if that makes it any more satisfying or fair.

[acontrollist.livejournal.com]

"The point is that you didn't help me." Rachel elaborates, starting to massage the corners of her eyes now. God, she doesn't want to have this discussion. She really doesn't. But to be honest, with her friends being who they are, she should've seen it coming. Especially after that stunt Noah pulled at lunch today (Did he really think he could keep his hand on her thigh the entire lunch period and no one would notice as long as he kept up steady conversation with Blaine?) "Do I seem like the type of girl to have a secret relationship, Kurt? And...you have to admit Finn...are we really going to trust Finn's opinion on things now?"

"Oh that's not even creative." Rachel mumbles. "I mean...Blurt or Humaine or anything that requires more effort than replacing the first letter of Blaine's name with the first letter of yours."

[slap-the-butt.livejournal.com]

"No, but Mercedes did and that's pretty much the same thing." He doesn't understand how she can keep denying what they've all been suspecting for a while now. Honestly, it doesn't seem like they're even trying to hide whatever is going on, especially lately. "You're the type of girl who would appreciate the drama of having a secret relationship. And if it was just Finn, of course I wouldn't trust his opinion but it's not just Finn."

He nods his head, finding Rachel's suggestions much more tolerable than Klaine will ever be. "People have been getting so lazy and predictable when it comes to creative portmanteaus."

[acontrollist.livejournal.com]

"...Touche." Rachel sighs, holding the phone between her shoulder and ear and pressing the balls of her hands to her eyes. "It's not a relationship, Kurt." It's really not! That's not a lie at all! Just because they're having regular sex and eating lunch together and she spent the night at his place (and they didn't even have sex) and he bought her breakfast and drives her to school sometimes and she calls him when she's really upset and they're planning on going to prom together...it's not a relationship. Really. "We just...I was upset and we just-...it just happened." Yes, Kurt. She means it. Even though she made it very clear to you that she and Finn never had sex...


"Oh, it's absolutely intolerable sometimes. Have you heard of this Samcedes thing? It doesn't even form any sort of word! Though I have to admit, Brittana has a nice ring to it..."

[slap-the-butt.livejournal.com]

It takes a moment for her words to sink in but when they do, Kurt's eyes go wide and he's struck silent for a moment before finally finding his words. "Oh my god, are you serious? You--" He lowers his voice, though he doubts anyone's still up to overhear him. "You slept with Puck?" Honestly, despite having suspected they had something going on, he never would have guessed they actually had sex.

"I'm pretty sure it was Sam who came up with Samcedes, back when he was trying to get her back. Brittany isn't so bad. Unfortunately, everyone else prefers to call them Santittany for some reason." He winces. That's one of his least favorites.

[acontrollist.livejournal.com]

"Slept is past tense..." She mumbles into the phone. She wants to take it back immediately, but Rachel doesn't half-ass anything else. If she's going to tell him, she may as well...tell him. No beating around the bush. And she knows Kurt's a gossip, but she kind of hopes maybe he'll put their friendship first this time.

"Because it has the word tit in it." Rachel replies. She knows this because every time the word is spoken, Noah giggles like a 3rd grader. Kurt doesn't need to know this.

[slap-the-butt.livejournal.com]

"You're... still sleeping with him? How long has this been going on?" Kurt has no intention of telling anyone about any of this. Except maybe Blaine, and that's only because they don't keep things from each other. Besides, Blaine already suspects and it's not like he's going to tell anyone. His boyfriend is not a gossip.

He shudders and makes a face. "Good to know our friends are capable of keeping it classy and mature." His voice is practically dripping with sarcasm. "This is why I can't stand smoosh names."

[acontrollist.livejournal.com]

"I-...not currently, of course." You can tell 'cause she's coherent. "I mean, at this second. Uhm..." She takes a deep breath, and the next sentence comes out as one word, though the last word, month, comes out clearly. As for Blaine, he and Puck actually get along surprisingly well and if Puck was going to tell anyone, Rachel thinks Blaine might be it.

"You sound so surprised, Mr. Hummel." Rachel flops back, crossing her legs. "To be quite honest, I though Puckleberry was cute at first but now that people are using it like it's an actual word..."

[slap-the-butt.livejournal.com]

"Ew, Rachel, of course not currently. And if this has been going on for a month, then how do you figure you're not in a relationship?" Because it sure sounds like a relationship to him. And if it's not one, then well, maybe that should be fixed. No one gets to use his bff as a friend with benefits.

"I am surprised. Though I don't know why, considering crude appears to be Santana's default setting." He sighs and examines his nails. "Pucklberry was never cute, though I do think it's more even than Klaine is. It gives you both the same importance."

[acontrollist.livejournal.com]

"It's perfectly possible to have regular sex with someone and not be in a relationship with them, Kurt." Rachel replies. Of course, she doesn't know this from any type of experience, but plenty of adults do it, she's sure. And technically? Rachel is using Puck, considering that she's the one that approached him.

"Oh, Santana's not that bad...well. She is, but not in a bad way." The insults haven't stopped now that she and Rachel have started a tentative friendship, but somehow they're not what Rachel would typically call offensive. "I suppose that's true. It sounds like some sort of Jelly Belly jellybean flavor..."

[slap-the-butt.livejournal.com]

"Yes, it's perfectly normal for people that aren't you. Love and romance matter to you. I have a hard time believing you of all people managed to do something like that more than once without growing romantically attached. Especially since he was your first." Kurt has just as hard a time imagining Rachel in a friends with benefits type relationship as he does himself.

"She may not be as mean as she used to be, but she's still really inappropriate sometimes. And her penchant for tmi is particularly annoying. There's only so much detail of what Finn's like in bed I can take." He shudders. "It does, and do you really want to think about jellybeans everytime you're in bed with Puck? I'm not sure he'd appreciate that."

[acontrollist.livejournal.com]

"They were. And look where that got me, Kurt. Were you paying any attention at all to what transpired this afternoon? You know what Finn said to me today? He said "Fuck you,". Finn doesn't curse. I'm sick of being the bad guy for wanting more than Lima and a white picket fence and 2.5 kids but that's what caring about someone enough to break your own heart has done for me. Right now, the best thing for me is to focus on saving money and building credits for my reapplication to NYADA. Even if I wanted a relationship, I'm not at all emotionally equipped for one right now due to recent events. And before you go yelling at him for taking advantage of my fragile emotional state, I approached him."

"I suppose that's true. Although it does serve to make me realize that I made the right decision." She laughs a little. "I promise, the word "Puckleberry" is the furthest thing from my mind when I'm in bed with Noah."

[slap-the-butt.livejournal.com]

"What happened between you and Finn was a long time in the coming. The two of you spent the last few years on and off, hurting each other and hurting other people because of each other. You never really wanted the same things and honestly, I don't think Finn wanted the white picket fence and 2.5 kids any more than you do. He just doesn't realize he can do better. You can both do better. If we're being completely honest here, you and Finn were never going to last no matter what you did. That doesn't mean every relationship is going to be like that, Rachel. Besides, if all you wanted was something uncomplicated and easy, you'd be doing it with someone other than Puck. And as far as you approaching him, that doesn't make him taking you up on the offer any less disgusting if it was obvious you were upset. There is such a thing as taking advantage of one's emotional state, you know."

"Now that you and Finn are over, I think she only still does that to make me uncomfortable." He makes another face. There's also only so much he wants to hear about Puck's sex life. "Please tell me you two are using protection."

[acontrollist.livejournal.com]

"I realize that. I do. It's just that Finn doesn't and its like I'm being punished because he doesn't get it! Maybe every relationship won't end that way and maybe my taste will be better in the future but I have to recover from this first and it's like every time I get on a track where I can see a life without me caring for or hurting because of Finn, he shows up again! And Noah-...it is easy. It is. He doesn't ask for anything that I'm not ready to give. And being upset doesn't make me any less equipped to make the decision about whether or not I want to have sex. You can't honestly tell me that when it's good, the way you feel after is...its some of the best stress relief there is, I know you know that."

"You make funny faces when you're uncomfortable..." She gasps. "Kurt! Of course we use protection! I haven't completely lost my mind!"

[slap-the-butt.livejournal.com]

"Finn might not yet but he will, and if today was anything to go on he'll probably get it soon. I'm going to have a talk with him soon anyway. Hopefully I'll be able to get him to realize it's time to move on, if he doesn't realize it already. Just-- when he does move on, you have to let him. It can't be like last year. Neither of you will ever get past this if you keep repeating the same patterns. And you might think this thing with Puck is easy now but chances are, they won't stay that way. Sex is complicated, Rachel, and you're still way too new at it for there not to be a chance you'll get attached. And you may not think being upset makes you less capable of making that decision and I agree, to an extent, but that doesn't mean you can't be taken advantage of. Sex is nice, wonderful with the right person, but I don't use it for stress relief."

"I do not! My faces stay normal no matter what creepy brother related tmi comes out of Santana's mouth!" He sighs with relief. "I had to make sure. You might be smart enough to use protection, but that doesn't mean he is."

[acontrollist.livejournal.com]

"What part of anything that's gone on lately has given you any indication that I want Finn back?" Okay, so she's a little insulted. "I can assure you that none of what's been happening will repeat itself. I'm no longer interested in anything more than a friendship with Finn and I'm sure he's way beyond wanting even that with me. Which is just fine. But I can't-...the compromises that Finn wants me to make aren't compromises and I'm not willing to be left standing on my own trying to put a person that I no longer recognize back together. I can't do it. Noah is my friend, and we have sex, but that is all. Besides, if he was taking advantage of me, he'd have pushed for sex when I spent the night last night." Oops. Smooth...

"I'm sorry to say that's not true, my friend." She huffs. "That happened once, Kurt. And let's not forget that Quinn consented to sex without protection." She may be a little sick of everything being Noah's fault. No big deal. "We're always safe. So you can rest your perfectly coifed little head."

[slap-the-butt.livejournal.com]

"Because you have a habit of claiming to move on and then trying to get Finn back the first chance you get. You both do that and that's why this keeps happening. I hope you'll both prove me wrong but neither of you ever lets the other move on. Even when you say you're going to, so you're going to have to forgive me for being skeptical at the moment." He's just calling it like he sees it. "Finn hasn't exactly had the easiest year either, Rachel. I think that's why he's been so desperate to get you back. Deep down he knows he won't be happy with you and you won't be happy with him. He's just lost. He'll probably move on soon, and hopefully not to Quinn again." He rolls his eyes. He doesn't particularly care where she spent the previous night. He figured she must have been spending some nights with Puck anyway. "Just be careful. You may say it's just sex with a friend, but like isn't always that easy."

"It is true. I've never made a funny face in my life!" He sighs. "I'll start caring about what Quinn did or didn't do when she's the one you're having sex with. Until then, she's irrelevant." Kurt's mostly indifferent towards Puck and has been since the dumpster tossing ended. As long he doesn't hurt anyone he cares about, he doesn't have a problem with him. "Good. Then I won't have to lecture you on STDs."

[acontrollist.livejournal.com]

"I don't want to fight about this, nor am I going to. You'll just have to take my word for it that I'm done with Finn." Rachel sighs. "I know things have sucked. For all of us. It's just not fair to take it out on others. I do hope he moves on...but not to Quinn." She agrees. Even though she likes Quinn now that she's started to get herself together. But Rachel's starting to think maybe it's better if those "tried and true crash and burn" couples stay away from each other. Namely, her and Finn and Quinn and Finn. "Maybe Blaine knows some girls from Dalton's sister school that we could set him up with?" She wants to yell at him again, but she knows he's just being a concerned friend. Those are a privilege for her. "I'll be fine, Kurt. Okay? And if things go bad, I promise I'll let you be the first in line to say I told you so."

"Okay, Kurt, okay." She laughs. "No, you won't. I took health class with you, remember? We're safe, he's a perfect gentleman, etc etc...can we keep this between us, though?"

[slap-the-butt.livejournal.com]

"Fine, but if history does repeat itself, don't be surprised when I call you out on it." He bites his bottom lip. "No, it's not fair, but hopefully that will stop soon. But if he does move on to Quinn... you know you'll have to respect that decision, right? Whether you agree with it or not." Which isn't to say Kurt wouldn't have plenty to say about it to Finn, but that's different. Kurt's stuck with Finn and his dumb choices for the rest of his life. "I doubt it. We haven't really had contact with those girls since that day in the abandoned warehouse. Maybe I can try setting him up with one of the non-glee club Cheerios." He frowns. "If things go badly, I'll be the first in line to give him a piece of my mind."

He snorts. "I'm pretty sure I was the only one paying attention in health class that day, which is kind of sad, considering I'm probably the only one at that school that has actually gotten The Talk from a parent. Yes, okay, I won't tell anyone about this." Except Blaine, but even he won't be getting all the details.

[acontrollist.livejournal.com]

"I won't be surprised. But you have to stop trying to jinx me by saying that history will repeat itself. It won't. And even if you're skeptical, I just need you to believe in me a little." She pleads. "I understand that. The fact of the matter is that while I no longer want to be with Finn, he was still an important part of my life and I do want good for him. I broke up with him because I want good for him. Quinn isn't it, no matter how much she's changed. And I'm not so sure you could handle having Quinn as a sister-in-law." She sighs, shaking her head. "Yes, Kurt, I know. Just try not to completely jump down his throat when you see him tomorrow." Because Rachel's not nearly naive enough to think that Kurt won't be cornering Noah at some point after this.

"When have I ever not paid attention in class, Kurt Hummel? And for your information, my fathers gave me the talk." She replies indignantly. "Thank you. Its just that Noah and I haven't discussed publicity yet."