Like Ships

Feb. 3rd, 2013 02:32 am
acontrollist: (Upset)
[personal profile] acontrollist
The apartment is empty when Rachel walks in. Not that she expects anything different. They've been married for a little more than a month, but since their honeymoon, she's actually gotten to spend time with Noah that wasn't just the two fo them sleeping next to each other or shoveling takeout into their mouths before they passed out maybe a grand total of 3 times. 4, if you count the quickie on the couch, which Rachel doesn't really, since she's pretty sure she was asleep before he even pulled out and she's not sure she would have remembered it happened at all the next day if there hadn't been that bruise on her ribs.

Needless to say, the whole baby thing? Hasn't happened. She was ovulating last week and didn't get to see him at all (she woke up halfway when he got into bed, and then again when he got out to go back to work) those days. Rachel's frustrated to say the least and she kicks her shoes hard into the back of their closet, grumbling to herself.

Date: 2013-02-06 02:56 am (UTC)
but_idontlie: (Default)
From: [personal profile] but_idontlie
Yeah, it sucks being an actress's husband. He has to watch her kiss other men, let other men paw at her tits, pretend to have sex with other men, and that's only one show. Anybody else, and he'd be out, 'cause he didn't sign up for this.

But this has been Rachel's dream since before they met, and he knew what it might take, one day. She's achieving her dream every time she sets foot on that stage. As long as she's okay with it, and it stays onstage, he's supportive. [If he offered her the ultimatum - stage or him - depending on the day, it might be a toss-up. And while he might be an insensitive jerk at times, he's not that much of a d-bag.

"Rachel," he counters with a full mouth of noodles. He gets paternity. He has vacation to use. He'd rather take it now then save it up for later then get told he can't use it because somebody with more seniority already scheduled it. Maybe he needs a break from work, too.

He drops his Thai on the table and stares at her. "Whoa. Dial down the bitch for a minute." And that probably isn't going to go over well... especially as she begins sniffling, and it makes him forget her outburst in an instant. "Shhh, shhh," he soothes, wrapping his arms around her and folding her close to his chest. "I know, baby. I swear, I'll get time with you. I just - Shit's tough. We haven't seen each other in days and it's killing me. I just - I don't want you to have regrets with marrying me and shit after this. Feels like that asshole gets to see you more than I do," because he does, "and gets to kiss you and touch you for the show when I'm lucky if I get to kiss you when you're awake." So, fuck that, because - even if they've got Thai-breath and they're sitting on a couch that has seen better days, and they're sitting in the NYPD precinct break room, he's still gonna cup her jaw in one hand, brushing tears away with his thumb, and lean in for a slow kiss. It's more than he's gotten in too fucking long.

[See? He has good ideas.]

Date: 2013-02-06 03:08 pm (UTC)
but_idontlie: (Default)
From: [personal profile] but_idontlie
[Trust him, Rachel. This is the best way to accomplish what they both want. He'll take a Monday, and then he'll take the entire week when you think you're ovulating. He only hopes that you aren't too stressed to conceive. Maybe he'll pick up one of those ovulation monitor things, so they won't get their hopes up for nothing.]

Even using the word bitch in reference to her is so far out of line that it's practically in another universe, and he knows that. Fuck, he knows that. He's irritable and tired and he fucking knows that he was at work when she was ovulating and he's not sure when this baby thing went from not right now to borderline obsession, and he's pissed. At himself, at the situation, at the NYPD, at the world for refusing to stop for five fucking minutes so that he can be with his wife after all the shit they've endured.

[All that being said, she did practically attack him because he asked about Brody. He's fucking insecure right now, okay? He's that stupid little kid who just wants everything to be okay.]

"You jumped down my fuckin' throat," he counters mildly. "I'm sorry, Rach. I shouldn't have said - what I said. I - I love you, and this sucks." He's getting thinner, the muscles standing out on his frame and he's practically surviving on coffee. They're both stressed, sleeping little, working long hours, and it's taking its toll on both of them, on their relationship. "I should be home in a couple hours," he murmurs, reaching out to stroke her cheek again with gentle fingers, his gaze pleading. "Go, have some tea, go sleep. Call me when you get home so I know you made it safe, okay? - Unless you want one of the guys to drop you off. I can ask." I'd feel safer, he doesn't say, but he'll be content with just a phone call.
Edited Date: 2013-02-06 07:46 pm (UTC)
but_idontlie: (Default)
From: [personal profile] but_idontlie
It's not his ego. Asking if Brody's a better kisser? Fuck, he just doesn't want Rachel to forget about him, or to get off on Brody 'cause he's the guy she sees most often. [He's kind of fucking jealous. He should have auditioned for the show himself. Hell, he'd see his wife more that way.]

She allows herself a few moments' press of her cheek to his hand before moving away; his hand drops to his side. "Okay. Just... call me so I know you got back okay." The remainder of his shift will go easier if he knows that she's home, tucked into bed, sleeping. Maybe she'll feel better in the morning. He'll still be exhausted, but whatever. He's been awake for longer than 24 hours before now; this will just be another one of those times [he'll try to stay up with her]. "See you when I get home, in the morning," he murmurs, standing to walk her out, leaving his Thai on the table.

Date: 2013-02-07 03:06 am (UTC)
but_idontlie: (Default)
From: [personal profile] but_idontlie
At this point, he's screwed enough now that escorting her downstairs will just make her angrier. He's resigned to sinking deep into the couch and digging into his Thai as she walks away, out the door. It tastes good, sure. The noodles are hot and peanutty, the bite of the chili-garlic sauce making him thirsty. It'll have to keep him going through the remainder of his shift and through the ride home. [Honestly, it's fucking awesome. He needs to order from this place, like, all the time. There are few foods as awesome as Thai when you've been working for way too fucking long.]

He finally makes it home at six-thirty in the fucking morning after showering at work and taking the MTA. It's already light outside, and he stops for a Dean & DeLuca, knowing that there's a good chance that Rachel will be awake and hoping that she's in a better mood now than she was when she'd left the precinct. Opening the door, coffees in hand, he locks it behind himself with a soft click, sliding the chain in the lock and twisting the deadbolt.

He removes his shoes so that he doesn't make noise, setting the coffees on the table for a brief moment. The apartment is quiet, and he carefully walks toward their bedroom. He wears sweats - something he can easily sleep in, 'cause he keeps a change of clothes in his locker for days like this, something clean to wear after he showers - and dislodges his badge and sidearm from his clothing, placing them atop the dresser with the intention of moving them to the nightstand drawer later. "Rach, baby?" he murmurs, not wanting to wake her if she sleeps, but wanting to know if she's awake. "Brought you coffee."

Date: 2013-02-07 03:55 am (UTC)
but_idontlie: (Default)
From: [personal profile] but_idontlie
He moves to sit beside her, a coffee in each hand; he holds hers patiently while she rakes her fingers through her mussed hair. "Long," he answers honestly. "I missed you. Shitty because I was there all day, all night." He hesitates. "And I didn't get to fix us before you left. M'sorry, Rach. I know this sucks for you, and I totally get why you're angry about it." He is, too; he's just quieter about it, but that's the way he's always been with his emotions. He doesn't talk about them, not really, and especially when there's not a damn thing he can do about the situation.

"How about you, you sleep okay? M'sorry I woke you up."

Date: 2013-02-07 04:16 am (UTC)
but_idontlie: (Default)
From: [personal profile] but_idontlie
"It just sucks, knowing he's with you all the time, getting to do the shit I should be doing to you," he tries to explain, his voice quiet. It's a mixture of jealousy and frustration. He knows that the guy isn't going to make a move on his wife, and - even if he did - Rachel is here, with him, for a reason. She's always been with him. That won't change just because they're going through shit. But to know that work takes him away so long and so unpredictably, and when he thinks, What's Rachel doing right now?, his thoughts are filled with Brody kissing her, touching her, making her gasp and moan. Even if it's just for the show, just pretend, he's still the one sitting at a desk or riding patrol while Brody gets to pretend with Rachel.

He's fairly certain that it would bother her, if the shoe were on the other foot. If it was Rachel working her ass off in a job she alternately loved and hated, and he got to spend his days working with an attractive co-star, touching her and kissing her and getting a point-blank view of her body.

It's that another guy gets to do this stuff, and he hasn't been able to do it. They either work opposite schedules or they're too fucking exhausted to even begin.

"First shift tomorrow," he murmurs, taking a sip of his coffee and following her gaze to the clock. I'm free 'til eight a.m. tomorrow. Fuckin' sweet. "So, I have today and tonight with you, then I gotta be up and out the same time as you for rehearsal tomorrow. I'm not the only person covering Drew, so it's not gonna be doubles and overtime every day." It'll probably kick his ass, but he's fully prepared to stay up with Rachel and fall asleep on her dressing room couch when she's onstage, catching a nap during rehearsal, a nap during a show, before sleeping with her when the show is over for the night.

Date: 2013-02-07 04:48 am (UTC)
but_idontlie: (Default)
From: [personal profile] but_idontlie
"I know you don't," he returns calmly. "Even if nobody's getting off on it, he still gets to do shit to you that I don't." She faces him; he reaches one hand forward, gently sliding it beneath the top of her pajamas to cup a bare breast in his palm, stroking over her nipple with his thumb. He can feel it harden beneath his hand, the skin drawing tight, and he exhales shakily. "The last time I got to do that was when we got back from our honeymoon," he murmurs. And, even though it means nothing, even though it's pretending, Brody gets to do a rougher version of that every night.

[Also, he's a classy bastard. Amanda's married.]

"Can I come with?" He's fully prepared for her to say no, but he doesn't really give a shit. If he has the time to be with her, he'll take it. "I can crash on the couch when you're onstage. I'll bring the iPad. Swear I won't bug you, I don't wanna stay here all day by myself when I could be with you." For coffee breaks, lunch breaks, times when somebody else is rehearsing a scene and she's got some time to waste.

Date: 2013-02-07 05:11 am (UTC)
but_idontlie: (Default)
From: [personal profile] but_idontlie
"Shit, Rach," he murmurs, his pupils dilated and voice low. His hand never drops away; his other hand slides over, pushing the waistband of her pajamas down slightly to cup a bare hipbone. "Baby, I -" He can't complete the rest of the sentence, swallowing past a sudden lump in his throat. This is the most contact they've had in days. It's bullshit, really. They're married. They're trying to conceive. They should be fucking like bunnies.

"I'll sleep," he offers. "I need the sleep. I just don't wanna do it here while you're there." It doesn't bother him that she'll be busy, rehearsing or performing; he can find things to do.

Date: 2013-02-08 04:25 am (UTC)
but_idontlie: (Default)
From: [personal profile] but_idontlie
Sex won't fix their argument. It's not a substitute for apologies or talking or even spending time together [they've been deprived of that; time is the only cure]. With that in mind, though, this is long overdue.

She fumbles with his clothes and gets nowhere; he's taking too long to pull his hands from her body and she's too fucking desperate, her hands trembling in her impatience. Her shirt hits the floor [she gave up on his clothing], and he pulls himself away, just for a moment, to yank his t-shirt over his head and toss it on the ground, shove his sweats down around his thighs and ankles, before he grabs her naked body in his arms again, holding her tightly. "Fuck, yes," he manages, his mouth meeting hers, pressing hungry kisses to her lips, the curve of her jaw, her chin, trailing down her neck and the throbbing pulse there... "Baby, need." Fuck ovulating. He just wants his wife.

"I'm fuckin' tired enough that it won't matter," he tells her honestly. "I'll sleep and when I'm not sleepin', I'll fuck around on the iPad, watch a movie or something. I've been up for, like, two days or something. I'm gonna crash."

Date: 2013-02-08 04:52 am (UTC)
but_idontlie: (Default)
From: [personal profile] but_idontlie
He's always been a fan of make-up sex. It's one of the best parts of arguing or fighting. But... shit, this is the one relationship he never wants to fuck up. With Santana, sure. He didn't give a shit. But Rach? God, he'll sit there and be emo until she's satisfied, just as long as they can be good again.

"I know." For the first time in forever - hey, they're both awake, and they have enough time to get naked. [Somebody better pinch him 'cause he's pretty sure this is a dream.] He crawls onto the bed, dropping onto his stomach and knocking the breath from his lungs. Rach. He doesn't speak; he's too busy kissing her, rolling to his back, tugging her to straddle him. His hands move between her thighs, encouraging, stroking; he takes himself in hand and rubs between her thighs, impatient, feeling her dripping as he kisses her.

Date: 2013-02-08 07:42 pm (UTC)
but_idontlie: (Default)
From: [personal profile] but_idontlie
The rest of the day [the night, the day prior, all of it] melts away; he loses himself in her smile, wide and bright. Sometimes, it's fun to be in charge, to just push her over onto her hands and knees or up against a wall and to slide easily inside her willing body.

[Admittedly, it's fun when she's on top. He gets to just recline on the bed, Rachel straddling his hips and sliding up and down his length - sometimes twisting her hips in circles or figure-eights, sometimes rising up on her toes or spreading her thighs wider to sink low - and when she gets really close or excited, she gasps as she bounces, and it's so fucking hot to see those beautiful tits bounce with the motion of her body. His eyes are fucking drawn to them. And he can pull her low and kiss her, can take a nipple in his mouth, or suck on her fingers, or bring his own hands between her thighs and rub the pad of his thumb against her body as she rides him.]

This position - both of them seated, hugging each other, Rachel straddling his lap - is a good one; he can do all of those things and rock his own body for a long, slow fuck that will probably make them scramble to get her to rehearsal on time. She's the one to guide him, and he exhales a low groan against her mouth as he feels the wet slip of her skin, pushing inside her until all he feels is Rachel.

[Yeah. The first time they did this? He never would have imagined she'd become his wife. And it feels so amazing without condoms; it's even more amazing, knowing that there is nothing that she keeps from him now.]

"I love you," he breathes, panting out the words between kisses. "Love you, love you - shit, baby - not enough time," his mouth leaves her lips and slides over her jaw, biting at her earlobe, his arms wrapped around her body to the point that it's difficult for him to breathe [she's held so tightly against his chest, his breath shuddering]. "Wanna fuckin' do this for days."

Date: 2013-02-11 10:55 pm (UTC)
but_idontlie: (Default)
From: [personal profile] but_idontlie
No rehearsal. He can barely believe what she says. Rachel doesn't call in for any reason, but he's absolutely fine with this. [He'd encourage it more often, but he knows that not only will she not call out, but that he'll get a brief lecture for his troubles. That part of Rachel, at least, hasn't changed.

He can feel the press of her nails against the skin of his bare back, the tightening of her thighs around his waist as she rocks and whispers. She's always so good, so responsible and strong. She's the stoic one in their relationship; sure, she's a drama queen, but she's there when nobody else is. Hell, she let him drag her to New York City without a plan, with nothing other than a few bags, a little money, and each other. He's the tough guy, he's the cop, but he'd really be nothing without Rachel, and they both know it.

They suddenly have more time, the opportunity to lie together in bed and actually wake up together. It had been a shock when their shifts made time together difficult; they had always had the luxury of time. They have a reprieve from their busy schedules this morning, and he intends to make the most of it. He kisses her again, slow and tender, breath shaky as his lips touch hers. Rocking, he clenches his muscles, shifting back and forth as he moves inside her. There's enough of him to fit perfectly, to touch all of her; wrapping his arm more fully around her ribs, he reaches between their bodies with an errant hand, stroking the curve of her neck, brushing his fingertips over her bare breasts and down the hollow between them, gently mapping the curve between her hipbones with his hand.

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