We built these paper mountains, then sat and watched them burn.

[acontrollist]

"I'll call you tomorrow, I promise." Rachel smiles, closing her eyes as Jeremy leans down, dropping a kiss on her nose. It's a strangely innocent gesture, considering that she's wearing little more than one of his t-shirts and a pair of sleep shorts. Considering they'd come home tipsy the night before and immediately retired to her bedroom for a...well. It was nice. A nice night. And judging by the way Noah and Santana talk about it, Rachel's sure she should have something other than the word nice to describe her sex life but it's really all that's ever come to mind. Jeremy tugs her close for a real kiss then and she leans up on to her toes to return it, before moving away to shut the door behind him and head into the kitchen for something to eat.

Generally, Rachel would feel iffy about having sex in an apartment with such thin walls, knowing that she has a roommate (one of the advantages to she and Kurt not sharing an apartment, even if they are best friends). But lately, Noah's been bringing home (and isn't it funny that she thinks of this place as both of their homes now?) a string of strange women. And having very loud sex. Rachel doesn't even really know how you manage to have the kind of sex it sounds like Noah is having on a twin bed. At least Rachel can pretty much guarantee that her sex with Jeremy last night was no where near as disturbing to Noah's sleep patterns as his is to hers.

And that's the only reason it's bothering her, really. Noah's allowed to do what he want. Sleep with who he wants. It's just that he's keeping her up...really. That's all.

Opening the fridge, Rachel grabs the orange juice and a few eggs, humming The Bitch of Living as she sets about making herself some scrambled eggs. Thank god for no longer being vegan. Scrambled eggs are definitely one of the best inventions ever.

Comments

[acontrollist]

"So me, then."

Rachel freezes. She'd been hoping he'd say that, of course, but...now she realizes that she doesn't know what he means. Hopefully, Noah knows her better than to suggest that they attempt a casually sexual relationship but...what if that is what he's suggesting? If she asks, and she's right and she turns him down, then...what happens? Or she takes him up on his offer and decides she can't do the casual thing. What then?

"I-...what do you mean?" She says instead, only slightly turning her head to look at him, gnawing on her bottom lip. At this point, now that the fantasy of being with Noah is gone, she doesn't know what she'd prefer and it's tearing her nerves apart.

[countpuckula]

What did he mean? What did he mean? He had done the whole relationship thing before and, frankly, he’d sucked at it. He’d done the love thing to and it had tore him apart. Losing Shelby and Beth in one fell swoop had almost torn him apart, not that anyone had really noticed. Everyone had been so caught up in their own drama at the time that he had been able to put on a happy face and go back to his old ways of casually dating any and every girl he wanted and he hadn’t tried a relationship since.

But this was Rachel! Part of him thought (or hoped?) that maybe she had changed since Finn and would be up for just having some fun, but the fact that she was in a relationship with Jeremy seemed to speak to the contrary. Maybe he was wrong, maybe it could work. He was over thinking it again, making it all too complicated.

“What do you think I mean?” he asked, turning to face her with a smirk on his lips. Placing one hand on her hip he leaned in, hovering over her and holding her gaze. “You pretty much admitted that Johnny can’t get you off, and that is a problem, one that I don’t have.” Please don’t make this complicated. Shit, I’m gonna ruin everything. yet he couldn’t seem to stop. “I could make you scream without even taking my clothes off.”

Stupid, stupid, stupid! Even if she was horny enough to go for it once, Rachel just wasn’t that kind of girl. They couldn’t be just friends after this, yet Puck wasn’t sure if he could be more either.

[acontrollist]

Rachel had tried the casual sex thing when she first moved to New York. It hadn't worked out. And though that may have had something to do with the sex being mediocre, she thinks maybe it was mostly due in part to the fact that Rachel's just not built that way. She's too selfish, to much of a hopeless romantic. She loves too hard, too easily for it to work out. While she doesn't doubt that they could probably pull it off for a little while, she knows that eventually the jealousy would be too much for her and either he'd get fed up with it or she'd have to cut her losses to preserve her own heart and she doesn't want to think about what would happen to their friendship then.

"Jeremy." She corrects him again, pushing back off of the counter. "I don't doubt that you could, Noah. I just hope you're not suggesting what I think you're suggesting." Because Puck's her best friend. And she really hopes he knows she's not a one night stand type of girl. Or a no strings attached type of girl. She hopes he thinks she's worth more than the chicks he brings home and never calls again.

They're treading a dangerous line here. This conversation could make or break their relationship and just thinking about it makes Rachel want to cry in frustration and fear. She wants him. She does! But she's scared. Of losing him, of losing herself. It's really all too much to handle right now but Rachel's always been a glutton for punishment, it seems.